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Guest Essay
Dr. Murthy is the surgeon general.
A patient of mine once shared with me a most unusual story. He had worked for years in the food industry with a modest salary and humble lifestyle. Then he won the lottery. Overnight, his life changed. He quit his job and moved into a large house in a gated community.
Yet as he sat across from me, he sadly declared, “Winning the lottery was one of the worst things that ever happened to me.” Wealthy but alone, this once vivacious, social man no longer knew his neighbors and had lost touch with his former co-workers. He soon developed high blood pressure and diabetes.
I thought about his story in 2017 when I found myself struggling with loneliness. My first stint as surgeon general had just ended. I was suddenly disconnected from the colleagues with whom I had spent most of my waking hours. It might not have been so bad had I not made a critical mistake: I had largely neglected my friendships during my tenure, convincing myself that I had to focus on work and I couldn’t do both.
Even when I was physically with the people I loved, I wasn’t present — I was often checking the news and responding to messages in my inbox. After my job ended, I felt ashamed to reach out to friends I had ignored. I found myself increasingly lonely and isolated, and it felt as if I was the only one who felt that way. Loneliness — like depression, with which it can be associated — can chip away at your self-esteem and erode your sense of who you are. That’s what happened to me.
At any moment, about one out of every two Americans is experiencing measurable levels of loneliness. This includes introverts and extroverts, rich and poor, and younger and older Americans. Sometimes loneliness is set off by the loss of a loved one or a job, a move to a new city, or health or financial difficulties — or a once-in-a-century pandemic.
Other times, it’s hard to know how it arose but it’s simply there. One thing is clear: Nearly everyone experiences it at some point. But its invisibility is part of what makes it so insidious. We need to acknowledge the loneliness and isolation that millions are experiencing and the grave consequences for our mental health, physical health and collective well-being.
If you have experienced loneliness or are struggling with it now and would like to share your story, please use the form below. We plan to use a selection of responses in a future project. An Opinion editor will contact you before publishing your comments.
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Opinion | Surgeon General: We Have Become a Lonely Nation. It’s Time to Fix That. (Published 2023) – The New York Times
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